The Game Is Afoot
by NotUrSquishy
Summary: A plight of birds descends upon the Phantomhive manor. The earl is having none of it, he has curtains to pick out. In a desperate bid to keep his beloved...Manor out of home wrecking clutches and protect that precious crown molding the Earl heads to London with his trusty Butler in tow. The game is afoot.


I am not Sorry..  
Don't own this fun-tactic fandom. Really I would be living it large and comfy if I did. So Fuck me.  
 **WARNING: Implication of MxB, MxF, MxM, BxB. Also graphic violence. Canon-typical violence.**  
 **THIS STORY TAKES A SHARP AND DARKLY FUN TURN WE STILL HAVE HUMOR ITS JUST NOT AS LIGHT AN FLUFFY AS YOU THINK. We go places. grim humor places.  
**

 **Enjoy.**

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 **The Game Is Afoot Chapter 1 : In which Ciel protects his Manors virtue.**

Once upon a would be a dreary time in the English countryside, the sun arose high into the sky taking up its flaming mantle; and so began an average day for inhabitants of the Phantomhive Manor. But, as we all know by now, everything at the Phantomhive Manor, from are gardens to its servants are anything but average.

The birds twittered and fluttered about the garden, not a rose was in danger of wilting (being the vicious thorny things they are).

With a little tri-demotion, Ciel decided to defy usual, (because something, someone had to Mey-rin hadn't even broken anything this morning ) and breakfast on the veranda outside.

He started to become aware of incessant squawking or rather cawing.

None of the servants would be about under foot today, the apple tartlet he was devouring seemed made all the sweeter with that knowledge

Nothing, nothing could possibly go wrong. He desperately wanted something too. A pile of paperwork knee hi sat on his desk, he just knew it. Anything, anything to get him out of filling endless form would be a welcome blessing.

That, being the normal morning despite the birds should've been the first warning.

Ciel himself complained of the infernal racket and one of the blind, feathered creatures nearly ran into him like... Well, a bird brain. It certainly wasn't the birds' fault he was a brat.

Sebastian only smiled cryptically when asked about the entourage of wings.

The butler's smiling being a code word for he didn't know or wasn't sure yet or maybe, just maybe, he was truly amused and did know.

None of those answers settled well in Ciel's stomach, the air foul did what they could to make him uneasy or maybe that was just Sebastian.

He was starting to get awfully tired of all the maybe.

With a snort of, "Good riddance." The young earl retreated, I'm sorry, returned back to the shelter found only within the dark bowels of his lovely manor.

Bloody birds, twattering about and quite honestly messing up his day.

The Earl normally would not have been so frazzled but, these were not songbirds. No, these are crows.

The black feathered beasts cawed fluttering about exuberantly every time he so much as glanced out the window.

The morning remained constant with the sound of bodies hitting the glass window frame.

He paused in his walk down the hall to reach his study to look out across the grounds.

One such bird resolutely judged him with its beady eyes sharp beak clacking like undertakers cackles.

The Nerve! "Blasted crows" He barked. Sebastian only silently echoed the birds sound eyes dancing with laughter.

"Forgive me, young master, those are crows, however, this " the butler inclined his head towards the beast " is a raven"

Really?

"Centamentics I want the lot of them gone!"

The butler watched the ebony feathered annoyance, that dare he says politely pecked, rapping at the window latch.

"Surely?"" Sebastian murmured moving towards the glass.

"No!" Ciel snapped futilely, sensing the silent question.

"Young Master " the demon beseeches.

"Fine, only because he's smarter than the rest" as if intelligence was any reason at all. With Ciel Phantomhive, the ability to just keep up afforded you some acknowledge meant. Sebastian apparently didn't need to be told twice he scarcely opened the window before the beast flew in without so much as a by your leave and landed on the butler's shoulder.

Sebastian smiled the kind usually reserved for his four-footed counterparts graced the demon's lips.

The sunlight glinted off dark hair and feathers the deepest shade of midnight.

"Magnificent" Ciel unknowingly breathed.

Unaware to which being he was referring.

Perhaps Sebastian, whom he all too lately felt bewitched by or, the bird.

He tentatively, having learned his lesson with cats before reached a few fingers out ready to yank them back.

The raven tilted its head and moved in close beady eyes once more assessing him and the thing quicker than Mey-rin to break something nipped lightly at a finger

"Darned Bird," the young man thought I should have known.

The raven launched itself up and fluttered over Ciel's arm to the boys shock.

Surprised he looked at Sebastian.

"Bochan seems you have been deemed a worthy perch".

The demon stated his voice warm and sweet as honeydew with a hint of good humor.

The earl huffed cheeks slightly pink scowling to cover up his blush.

"As he should not. I am nothing if not overqualified."

The raven made no sign of leaving.

"Sebastian fetch me my hunting gloves" He winced as the bird claws dug into his skin and the bird-winged up to follow the butler.

"Blast it". Remarked the earl, after all it's not every day you found someone as infuriating as Sebastian.

That is a singular art, requiring years of study.

Thousands to be exact.

Making haste to his study he noted the poor state of drapery and decided to order some more curtains. The brocade deep blue originals had suffered a fate worse than death and fabric remained littered with bullet wounds from the last assault.

He was thinking red or black either way less mess.

It was simply getting too tedious to replace them after every attack.

At least his study door was of the solid oaken variety. Man, he loved that thing. ( It always made him feel powerful to easily swing open the once trying door and sit behind the large monstrosity of a mahogany desk.) He especially y enjoyed to looming behind the , in any case this room had always fared well for intimidation and against minor assaults.

Then as if summoned by his musing the wall beside him lit up with bullet holes. The poor Earl could almost envision the gaudy hall wallpaper as it crumpled under the guns assault.

Good, he had meant to replace that nasty paper in the hall anyway. Another excuse to do renovations had just provided itself he couldn't be happier.

Then he remembered the feathered fowl.

The earl inwardly shed a tear all those birds ruining the ornate shutters. Maybe they would provide the distraction? Briefly he wondered what it would take to clean bird guts off of the windows.

Well not like he had to do the cleaning anyway.

Ghastly business.

The distinct sound of gun shots hitting hard stone and brick rang out.

Ciel slipped under his solid mahogany desk, hoping not to get hit by the spray of bullets.

His poor, poor Manor, the scaffolding has to have become chipped.

What was next the crown molding?

Perish the thought!

Dry wall rained down from above and sent him into fits of coughing and sneezing.

Ciel squeezed his eyes shut not daring to look to confirm his fears.

He couldn't bare to believe anyone could be so cruel..

Who could afford to ?

A bullet whizzed by and glass shattered on his desk to the right. Ciel whimpered.

This is getting ridiculous.

Outrageous even!

That was a pristine Tiffany Lamp , Tiffany!

He couldn't handle it any longer.

This is just too much abuse for him to take.

When his favorite most trusted paperweight (the one that held work down so well it was unable to breed and multiply into bigger stacks) shattered the Earl Phantomhive decided enough was enough.

With a battle cry worthy of Lizzie he charged forward brandishing his revolver.

Nobody desecrates his office, his haven in such a way.

Nobody.


End file.
